from the January 1993 AA San Diego Coordinator

The alcoholic mind outwits the alcoholic. I was in trouble; as soon as AA showed me the way out, I began looking for a way out of the way out. I was not willing to go to any length for the AA way of life. I was willing, however, to go to any length to give the impression that I was willing to go to any length. 

Phonies are like that: big production, no product. Convincing others I was getting well felt like getting well. A pretense of doing the Twelve Steps of recovery felt like recovery — until suddenly, I began to come down drunk.

In the shuddery, gooseburnpy craving for alcohol, I had a clear choice: Get honest or get drunk. A simple prayer of surrender was answered. In the beginnings of honesty, I took Steps One, Two, and Three. God alone could and did protect me from myself. The obsession with drinking went away. 

Since then, nine years and never a bad day in AA. (Some days are more mysterious than others.) Inventories, amends, learning experiences, yes, but never a bad day. Nearly died a couple of times, but our book doesn’t say anything about pneumonia it says it will show us a way to leave off our drinking habit. 

In large measure the promises of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous have come true, and for me there is a promise on every page. Especially, I like the shortest paragraph in the book (page 88): “It works it really does.” 

~ P.H.